By Levi Clancy for לוי on
[Neil Edward Goldberg birth certificate; 1937 February 24]
[For the sake of some reader two hundred years from now, it is worth noting that this is a farce.]
NEIL EDWARD GOLDBERG: Neil was born in Monaco, the son of wealthy royalty. He immediately showed his gratefulness by speaking three languages (not one of which was his parents tongue). At the age of 3, his ability as an artist caught the eye of the Paris Art Institute, and he was enrolled - his enrollment actually saved the Institute, for the sale of young Goldberg's first dozen paintings alone paid the rent, salaries, and other expenses for a decade. At age five, Neil learned to communicate in two more languages, Poloponyease and Racehorsease. This ability to speak to Polo Ponies and Race Horses (and he was also a good listener), completely changed, forever, the world of those two sports, leaving him even more famous and wealthy than his parents could ever imagine. However, it also led leadesr of other sports, such as fishing, hunting, and war, to want him "out-of-there" (dead). Without the opportunity to kill fish, animals, and people, many would be without recreation - so these leaders got together to plot his death.
[Clip art of a foppish boy.]
[Clip art of a horse with a flowing mane.]
POLO PONY NEIL SPOKE TO
[Clip art of what looks like Don Quixotie's sidekick and a mule.]
ON THE ADVICE OF A FRIENDLY COW, NEIL GAVE UP THE ROYAL LIFE TO BECOME A SIMPLE JEWISH PEASANT IN RUSSIA
Fortunetly[sic], Neil had advance warning from some farm animals who had overheard (third-hand) the "bad guys" plot, while they were speaking in front of their goldfish bowl one day. The goldfish told a cat who passed it on to a relative of a cow who knew Neil, personally. Being a Yenta (this cow lived in Russia), there was no time wasted in advising Neil to hide out on their little farm. So it was here that Neil found hte real "earth" life, and easily putting behind his former life of grandeur for the simple of the Jewish peasants (who owned the cow), he settled in to Russian/Jewish life of the late 1800's.
After many years of pograms, economic hardships, and ill thoughts of the future, the family led by men with vision and desires for a better life for their children, left Russia. Through more years of hardship in such places as Poland, Lithuania, England, and Canada, they finally arrived in the United States (each move being a step forward in "life" for them), and they realized that this was indeed the land of opportunity. They sent for other relatives and, soon, California became home to many of the family from those years so far away in both miles and lifestyles. By this time, of course, Neil was old and saw that he would have the opportunity to contribute to this wonderful world if only he could find a wife, and make some great children to leave to the world; kind of as a "thanks" for seeing his family through all it had been through. So (remember this is a kid born to wealth and royalty) he pulled a few strings, made some connections, called in a few markers, and re-created himself through two nice people, Mimi and Jack Goldberg. The rest, of course, is history - of world class proportion. For current information, please see the biography of Carol Goldberg, the lady Neil was lucky enough to find to be his wife, and the biographies of Jack, Bernel, Todd and Terence Aaron Goldberg, the Goldberg's sons.
[Illustration of a pod of whales.]
Whales & Other Friends, Inc
Kailua, Hawaii 96734
CAROL (DEL DON) GOLDBERG, was born in Modesto, California on August 5, 1939 in the same hospital that her husband, Neil, was born---but he wasn't her husband then. Her family name is Italian-Swiss or, to snobs, Swiss-Italian. Carol is a farmer's daughter. She has education and experience in architecture and studied that form in college. She had an illustrious career in high school, highlighted by being Football Queen, Miss Stanislaus County Peach Blossom and Miss Fryer Festival. This was a big deal in a community like Modesto where the economy was based on chickens and peaches. Carol's mother's family name is Lagier, pronounced La Jeer, and they are almond farmers in the Modesto area. The Del Don family continues to farm in the Modesto area, and are growers of many kinds of vegetables.
Carol received the International Medal of Honor for Meritorious Service for her efforts and accomplishments in raising five males (four sons and Neil). She is an accomplished cook, mother, wife and grandmother. Her activities range from constructing stained glass pieces to designing and manufacturing table linens. She has designed and built many homes in Hawaii and received recognition as the first female home builder there, a pioneer in bringing construction materials over by the homebuilder.
[Clip art of an almond keeping a healthy pace while holding weights and wearing sneakers, aviator shades and a sweatband.]
A HEALTHY LAGIER ALMOND